Sober Times

Ahhh! It’s true. I’m in my 9th month of sobriety. What!! Lol

If you’ve known me for sometime, you might know that I’ve: A. travelled a lot, B. worked in bars and restaurants a lot, C. thrown A LOT of parties (I’m certain that my epic AshBash’s will not be a thing of the past....they may just perhaps take new shape as the new me comes to life), and D. happily experimented and enjoyed copious amounts of booze and mind altering substances. (Some experiences so wonderfully expansive, beautiful and healing, others, wretched heavy, in darkness.)

E. I have been a curious student and advocate of healthy living for a long time.

Now, partly in my defence and partly not - we all gotta experience things when we are growing up, test our limits, set no boundaries. Do all the things. And I’ve been blessed with a very colourful, beautiful collection of such things. In that we must equally be truthful with ourselves when things aren't quite right.

There did come a time for me, a time to really say enough is enough. That time, was my 34th birthday, last year in April (for alcohol)  because let's face it I had still been dancing with the Mary Jane, on occasion, until September of the same year.

But It did actually hit me like a ton of bricks, one evening, after taking too much of a THC edible - and having simultaneously, a half freak out, half enlightening experience...

“I’m actually kinda fucked” (haha a joke for all of you familiar with Russell Brand). 

Now, I wasn’t completely shitting away my life - but I felt stuck. My life looked a little something like this...

The social butterfly in me had been flowing along; I was overworking myself in a restaurant, serving all the people, going out after work to talk with more people and drink all the drinks to debrief with people about how terrible all the people are that I’d been serving. As fun as it was, and it was for a long time, it was starting to take a heavy toll on my happiness and vibrancy. Not to mention, my body. I taught yoga classes, made mediocre efforts to grow my business and studied furiously everything health and wellness related. I was still practicing yoga and telling myself it was enough, but I had stopped going to the gym and really exercising. I knew in my gut, and from an extensive mind body education that my nervous system wasn't completely handling life. I had been through some heavy traumas that I never told anyone about. I was cruising along, coping, half vibrant, half miserable.

I'd been drowning. Too proud, stubborn, and I guess trying to do what I thought was working for me. Except it wasn't. I just simply wasn’t that happy, vibrant self I once knew...AND to make matters worse, it felt like I was holding on by some very questionable threads. Overwhelming emotion, shit relationships, nagging physical pain and the like. 

I'd heard the voice before, but most importantly on that night in September with this little tickle in my heart (and with all the green plant medicine within me pulsing like hell) came the words - “STOP, something has gotta change.” And from that moment it really has. I was also to become an Auntie for the first time two days later and that really shifted my life perspective in a huge way. I became completely sober from that point on. I've also recently giving up sugar (which is really it's own little version of the cocaine from hell), but that's a story for another day.

I gave up drugs and alcohol in an effort to purify my body. To become more kind. Less angry. To get really clear. To find balance. To live in one consciousness. To wake up to myself. To start to actually feel the pain from traumas I unknowingly tried not to deal with for long time. (Being sober - this pain from my past, well it is a hell of force to be reckoned with and i'm like  - "woah, down girl - But equally, please bring that shit on, get up and out of me, thank you" - You Somatic folks know what I'm saying)  And most importantly to really support my health and wellness in the best way I know how. In balance and harmony. And in a more beautiful connection with the universe. 

Over the past nine months I have been rebuilding trust and vitality. I have been working with a collection of sound and somatic healers. I have had a daily practice (this didn't waver too much, as I've had a meditation practise for many many years, but It has shifted), I have been supporting my unique journey (we all got our shit!). I have been leaning into what's uncomfortable and showering it with Love.

Quite frankly, this is the best decision I have EVER made.

Fast forward to now, I am working full time doing what I love, feeling happier and more me each day. When I told myself last April that I would live one year sober I didn’t think I’d be hearing myself (nearing the end of that year) say that I want to keep going!

I’m not saying I’ll never drink a glass of buttery Chardonnay or enjoy a scotch on the rocks again. But, after that one year mark has passed and an opportunity comes to light - I know i'll be able to support myself in the right decision with a clear head and open heart.

Don’t force it - FEEL IT.

(“May I try a pink one?!” - okay this quote is really only for my sister)

As Russell Brand brings to light in his book "Recovery" - we are all on scale of addiction in one way or another.

Where are you?

#lifegoals #sobriety #awake #happiness #doingwhatfeelsrightrightnow 

#supportingmyvibrancy #skeletonsoutofthecloset #heavilystillappreciateagreatscotch

#feelingit #wakingthetiger  #somaticexperiencing #nohangovers  #clarity #recovery