I came to india to renew this body, detox from the stresses of life, balance my emotions and to study the ancient sister science to yoga, Ayurveda. Arriving at the ashram I had the intention of undergoing a full body 14 day revitalization Ayurvedic treatment called panchakarma. Visiting the Sivananda Institute of Health and booking a few massages I decided against it. I would save my money get a few treatments, study books from the library and leave it at that...it didn't happen in exactly that way :)
After 10 days, settling into the waves of life here and some convincing conversations with other guests, i am currently on day 4 of my treatment.
Panchakarma is a major therapeutic procedure to purify the body. In sanskrit it means Pancha "Five" karma "actions". The procedure is comprised of various "actions"/treatments in three stages: preparatory, panchakarma & post. The prep stage lasts between 7-10 days and includes oil massage, hot bundles of medicated herbs, and shirodhara (the pouring of warm oil on the forehead). Panchakarma stage consists of a purgation (drinking a concoction of herbal medicine) followed by a few days of alternating massages & herbal enemas.
Beginning this treatment I consulted with Dr. Vishnu an expert in the field of Ayurveda medicine. He assigned a specific treatment plan for my specific body type and complaints. Balancing the excess Vata would be essential to healing and letting go of chronic neck and back pain from stress and prior injury.
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I have reached the halfway point of the treatment. The first week was exhausting. Never would I have imagined a week of massages and literally doing nothing would be so taxing on the body. I have felt fatigued, muscle weakness, constipated, hungry, headaches, angry, sad, content.....the list goes on. My legs have consistently felt heavy over the course of my treatment (stairs might as well be Mount Everest!) It was unreal and extremely baffling to an athlete like myself.
As I learned, for good reasons, the first few days of the preparatory massages really had my body feeling tired. The toxins start to be drawn out from the tissues and the toxic blood slows down the whole system. Over the next few days I started to experience some very strong emotions. Anger and sadness were the two that hit me the most. The anger was a big one for me to really feel, acknowledge and be grateful to release. I could have thought I was going a bit mad had the doctor not been available whenever I needed a chat to ease my mind, it's a wild ride. I started to experience sensations in my veins. I could see my veins pulsing in a way I have never seen before. Imagine there were little bugs crawling under the skin and you can view their movement patterns....thats the best way I can explain it. I've also been hallucinating a bit, mistaking twigs, leaves and shadows for bugs and spiders. Seriously, wild.
This process is not for the faint of mind or heart. It is a deep commitment to wellness. It is a practice of listening to the body and really taking time to rest. Watching my mind want to "be productive" and not just laze around has been a difficult one to overcome. And there has been more dreaming about my favourite foods than imaginable. I have planned and experienced the eating of three of my favourite pizzas from back home in Toronto. One would think this is torturous to daydream about food in this way, but surprisingly it isn't. It's probably because I really have made this commitment and have stuck to it perfectly so far - not even snacking throughout the day! Also it helps to be "trapped" in the ashram unable to escape ;) I know the pizza will be there waiting for me upon return to the T.dot.
Each one of my treatments from days 2-7 are the same. oil massage, followed by herbal hot packs pounded on to the body, then a medicated oil on shoulders, ending with shirodhara (warm oil poured on the forehead) for the balancing of brain waves and emotional stability. It's been amazing to watch the body go through the exact same treatment at the same time of day and have completely different experiences each time. Some days i'm more energetically tired, some days more physically, other days mentally. But i've continued to feel more mentally clear as the days go on.
We, member of the "panchi" club as my friend Phoebes and I have coined it, eat separate from everyone else at the ashram. We are also relieved of our karma yoga duties. The ashram really does hold an incredible container for this healing journey. I'm so thankful.
The sivananda health centre is on the back side of the property and overlooks the lake. It's peaceful. I often sit and write over here. I like it best when the other "panchi's" are not here. They are a bit "chatty" for my liking. You'd think that with 8 signs around the space saying "your silence will help others to heal, so please..." and "silence please" that they would get the point......but they don't. It's kinda nice that most of them speak in french so I can easily tune them out as I don't know what they are saying anyway. haha.
(As I review this collection of thoughts about my panchi experience I'm with three days left of my treatment and I feel less affected by others chatting in the quiet zone. I was wound up tight as a top when starting this process haha).
This has been a brilliant so far. Exhausting, but great. More later. Rest now.
I will be going into some gritty details of the intensity of this experience below...just a warning. I felt the need to write in great detail on my whole panchakarma experience. It was really helpful to read of others experiences online, so i wanted to make sure to share the love and keep the flow of information coming to put other's minds at ease.
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i will never forget today. March 20th, 2016. After a three day pause (during my period as treatment is not advisable) I restarted panchakarma treatment with a "big enema". About one litre of a specialized "potion" for my specific conditions were pumped into me. A warm shower from the neck down concludes the treatment portion where I alternated between toilet and shower. (In india the entire bathroom is a shower anyway, making this process extremely convenient).
Intense perspiration combined with deep breathing and waves of tingling and nerve sensation traveling through my arms was what made this experience unforgettable. In the bathroom, naked and looking at my beautiful smile in the mirror I gazed into my own eyes and i knew everything was going to be okay. It was as if all the nervous tension i've been holding, all the discomfort and anger (I had felt particularly angry and intense emotion during Kizhi, when my therapist pounded the hot bundles onto my shoulders and low back) had been extracted. I felt deeply settled in my body in a way I have never experienced before.
Today's treatment was in a new room. The intensity of yesterdays big enema was the real turing point in my panchi. How unbelievably poetic that for the past two weeks i've been in a dark small room. Today I was welcomed into a bright, beautiful corner suite with three windows and gorgeous white tiled walls with some stone trim. Talk about night and day. Talk about literally moving from darkness to light.
Spirit has been watching over me. I followed my heart and intuition here knowing how badly I was needing some deep healing time.
Three more treatment days and four more days at the ashram. I'll be regrouping and following post treatment from the beach at varkela (although sad to say i am not able to be in the sun, nor swim in the sea....doctors orders). From there the plan is to head north to the mountains...
Tomorrow, March 24th marks the end of a process that required all of my heart and soul. I could not have done this without the support of the community at Sivananda Ashram Neyyar Dam, Kerala, India. I bow in their honour. The doctors and therapists who took care of me for three weeks - I bow to you. I bow to myself and acknowledge the courage, patience and wisdom it required to succeed in this experience.
Literally I feel reborn. The aliveness in my arms and sensations all the way down to my toes have been awakened and unblocked. Years of "stuck ness" that i've been desperately trying to "unstick" suddenly flowed with ease.
I feel clarity in my mind. Light. I am so humbled by this entire experience. I feel so alive.
The best is yet to come. This experience has been life changing. this experience has exceeded my expectations. this experience is exactly what I needed and what my heart called for.
I've just emerged from my 14th and final treatment. My body is humming with happiness, peace, clarity, freedom, health. I feel radiant and more alive than I ever have. I'm ready to turn 33 and take good care of myself for the rest of my life. To recognise when we need to heal and make space for it is the best gift we can give ourselves. It is so essential for wellbeing. I am beyond inspired and will continue to put my efforts to work and hold healing space for others to nourish and recharge.
Spring is here. Holi festival is celebrated across this great land. I end panchakarma and look forward to a new beginning.
