Spider situation

I killed two spiders this morning and im pretty sure they were husband and wife. I am still sad about it. Yes, they were creepy looking and they were chillin under my bed in the dorm. Found them when I was cleaning and I'm not gonna lie they freaked me out.  They were not small. I can get down and outdoorsy with the best of them.....but I don't know if i'll ever be fully comfortable with the critters of this world and I sharing a bedroom.

A day later i'm still thinking about the two spiders I smushed. They were even in my dreams last night. I have also been thinking about the fact that my dear sweet nan would never kill a spider. Shit. 

Poetry in the garden

Walking in the garden,

Slowly.

Ants on green leaves,

Working.

Seen when not looking,

Everywhere.

A bug lands on this phone,

Unfamiliar to these eyes.

Washing his face,

Watching closely.

Typing,

He flies away.

All around is beauty.

In stillness is seen,

The rusty light and hook with string.

Trees through rooftops and archways 

Beyond this is another tree.

The crows sing and fly to other places.

Friends of the garden,

You play as I walk.

The hot sun.

Dear dragonfly messenger,

Your colours change.

Are your feet dirty too?

-A.Lord

Sivananda Vendanta Ashram

Kerala, India 

India.

3am. waking naturally. easy when bedtime was 7pm. On my own accord...as the body is still making sense of it all.

india. no words can truly do justice to explain this incredible land. i will, however, share a few.

after sleeping for 17 hours...needed following a journey across the world. Slow is the pace and I have settled into ashram life. The bed is hard and supportive and 3am finds me doing restorative yoga postures tucked underneath the bed's mosquito netting. Headphones in, sweet sounds sooth this sore body. I dress, leave the dorm to pray. Darkness before the sun I am in the temple. The priest arises offering blessings for the day. It is quiet. Prayers. Back to the shelter of mosquito net-ville I lay down and rest again. Awake to the deep listening of Trevor Hall's Chapter of the Forest. An album of his love of India: "Jagadeesha. I speak of a country, ever so lovely. In silence I walk. oh friend come closer. i will unfold her. bliss all around." Mmmm.

This morning we walked as a group through the town to sit by the lakeside and sing. It is still dark as we follow the waking sun toward the water.

Local houses offer music through loud speakers and I hear elephants calling from the wildlife sanctuary.

Kirtan along the rocks. Temperature rises as does the sun. After silence I slip into conversation with some solo lady travellers who share tales. Chatting makes the climbing hills easy to manage.

Tea time. Practise. Breakfast. Sweeping. Now.

Singing. Listening. Sweating. Drinking Water. Writing.

This land. A spiritual empire. Inspiring words from this journey. Dearest India, I will try to eloquently express your beauty and how you have captured my heart. 

But mother india, more than words, you are a feeling. I am grateful for you. 

Om.

Far from simple.

One may explain india as the very opposite of Zen minimalism ;) Colour. Dirt. Palm trees. Bananas trucks cruising along. Potholes. Road side fires blazing. Tuk Tuks. Barefoot. Bikes. Babies on motorcycles. Symphonies of sound. The perfected art of honking horns. Garbage. Laundry. Hand painted signs. Colour. Taxis. Taxis. Taxis. No helmets. Overtaking trucks on blind turns. Formula one maneuvers. Colourful and lovely. Crazy and wonderful. Overwhelming and exciting. Humbling and grounding. India you are far from simple. You are magnificent. 

Ah, sun....rise.

At 30000 ft these eyes watched the warm sun rise above a holy land. The sky was quiet, from darkness emerged a deep orange ruby blanket extending wide across the horizon. Pinks, oranges and reds turned to a brilliant yellow ball of light popping up awakening, welcoming and blessing this new day to come.

Listening to sounds of my man Trevor Hall, my face glows with happiness. Nothing short of a royal welcome to the wonderous east. You're already capturing my heart sweet land.

And then a flight attendant proceeded to close all the windows along the east side of the plane - for reasons I'll never know. So at 30000 ft I sit in darkness and write. Indian dude beside me is covered up like a mummy sleeping with his blanket over his head. Bring it on India. I've been patiently waiting to meet you.

Dubai.

It's morning says my body, and evening time in Dubai where I'm about to land.

13 hours up in the air. Heavy cabin fever brewing in this Airbus...but I did see a waterfall at the top of the grand staircase - so that makes it awesome.

In addition, there is legit cutlery, warm meals, a documentary film about the vintage wine found onboard this aircraft, grilled salmon/sauv blanc pairing followed by a scotch on the rocks to cap off the night. Not much rest, but lots of music.

I cried as the plane took off. It's been real. The heart knows what it needs and is leading the way. 

Sleep & yoga are necessary for the 7 hours in Dubai.

Eyes are tired, body feels the dips and slow decent of craft...20 minutes to parts unknown. 

I bet there will be a waterfall at the airport. 

Dubai airport - yup, big fat waterfall. I was joking around when I wrote the paragraph above, but seriously gorgeous water display with LED lights as soon as I walked in! Ha!

Toured the spa here and enjoyed some delicious lemon mint water. Glanced into the Emirates first class lounge with all its golden glamour. A failed attempt to sweet talk my way into the business class lounge lead me to cruise around for a great long walk. In both terminals A & B. 

Rocked a mini workout, stair climb & asana practice.

Showered at the airport facilities (a first). The YMCA showers in Edmonton when I train traveled across Canada was as close as I've come to an inter-travel shower situation.

Salad with salmon and a peppermint tea with a meal voucher. Solid layover. I also definitely ate all the chocolate in my backpack. It really feels like Vegas in the Dubai airport. See you soon India.

The way to India is a plane.

Tucked into a very cozy bed in Cabbagetown - Toronto, I've been hibernating for weeks. The polar vortex situation coincided with valentines day and a 14 hour shift with the work family, marking the end of the beginning.

Bistro days pause, the torrents of familiar city life fade and a colourful land awaits.

Answering a call from my heart I journey to India. Taking off. Setting Sail. Cruising out. Not overly anxious but rather I sit in ease knowing this is exactly what I need.
Ninja travel instincts on point. My head is up; eyes open.

There will be silence, palm trees, chanting, slow walking, heat, noise, chaos, people, coupled with minimal bed bugs (not happening again), stomach upset, mosquitos, mountains & mystery.

After at least 3-4 weeks in the south as the weather starts to warm in the Himalayas I will begin my accent to the north.

Consulting the guide book in my heart I plan to make no plans.

Travel...I have been incredibly grateful to experience it's many wonders for a significant part of my first 32 years...but still questions, my own and other's arise.

Is travel an escape? Am I running?

Do alluring lands divert to new realities and make it easy to forget about "life" for a while? Is freedom easier found in foreign lands with absence of the familiar?

No. I do not run. I know better. I go to broaden the mind; to dive in deep. Dive into the most important reality I seek to understand. The one within. And so it is to India I go. With no idea how I will come out on the other end. But a pretty good feeling I'll shift into an even brighter version of myself.
In this continuous adventure of growth, realizations, fuck ups, heartache, beauty, pain and wonder; good intentions abound.
This human experience, so very real, incredibly wonderful...a true blessing.

Honouring the battle scars that have brought me here I leave for India with a vow to myself:

to live in practice. to be strong. to simplify the mind. to gain everything. and give it away with love.

This post began with a title: The way to India is a plane...

I fly in style tonight on Emirates Airline. Beginning this journey with cozy seats, lots of leg room and a hell of a spread of delicious snacks.

Dear courageous Self & beautiful Intuition, be free my loves. Let us go.

Bon voyage and bon appetite.

-A

powerful beginnings.

Feeling the power of this new year ahead I reflect on the pieces of myself left behind. For the past few days I have made space to sit in stillness, to cry, to write, to honour a beautiful being.  This little lady endured much sadness and heartache, beauty and wonder; a collection of crazy memories of life's richness has brought me to now.  I am in awe of my life everyday. I have lived this past year with passion, strength, and absolutely no regret. Did the best I could with the tools that I had. There are most definitely pieces and people that at one time would have grasped with a hearty grip, now I support myself to release them to the universe with love and carry onwards on this journey. What's important will always land where it needs to be. Holy hell-fire it's been a wild ride.

The clock struck 12 and nestled in my cozy little nest I sat with two of my favourite people. Two ladies, sweet souls, I am so fortunate to call my best friends. Sitting on the floor in a circle we spoke about our dreams for the year ahead, our heartaches of the year past as we acknowledged the beautiful connection the three of us have, and our deep gratitude for each other. It was a very special evening with a few tears, a wood burning fire, a special bottle of delightful sparkling Pinot Noir and yes, of course there was a cheeseboard (we are at my house after all!)

Two thousand fifteen housed the death of my dear sweet Nan, while it also saw the split from a dear man who will always be my family. Proving to test my vitality, a recent move to new house marks new beginnings for me. My prayers have been answered and I find myself here, exactly where I am, where I need to be. I sit and write listening to the sounds of Half Moon Run, I am eating an orange. Typing this collection of words to the page, while I recall and reflect thinking to myself "who will actually read this?", well, probably no one :)

There are many incredible people that I am honoured to share this life with. They mean the world to me, and at some point i'll probably write about each one of these special humans individually. Today, I write about my father. My daddio, Jack. From whom, last night, I received the nicest and most meaningful letter I have ever had the pleasure of reading. It brought me to tears and I feel compelled to get it out of the abyss of the virtual gmail inbox and share it on my blog...apparently haha.

SOME WORDS FROM YOUR DADDY

My dearest Ashley,

Thank you so much for paying back the money I loaned you for your yoga course. I’m sure it feels good to have worked so hard, and to have paid off all your debt’s. It’s been a tough year for the family, and recently it’s been specially tough for you. My Mum, your Nan meant the World to all of us and I know that she loved you very deeply, and whenever I spoke with her would always ask how you were and what you were doing. I know she would have some words of wisdom to share with you now, knowing that you’re hurting so much inside. I know that when you think about her, pleasant memories will replace those feelings of sorrow and a smile will make your face shine. Take solace in the fact that she will always be with you, and you can draw on her strength to help you through whenever you need to. I’ve felt your pain and I know those emotions you are experiencing, it doesn’t make it any easier to bare, but take comfort in the fact that they will be replaced by hugs and smiles, warm moments and happiness.

You are my strength, you are my World you are my life’s greatest achievement. One thing I’ve learned in my life is that you never know where will take you.

Have a wonderful 2016 filled with smiles and laughter, love and good fortune

LoveDaddy

xoxoxoxoxxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Daddy...I am so grateful for you. 2015 has been one of the hardest, most beautiful years of my life. I leave behind much pain, grief, sorrow, heartache and I take with me the strength, compassion, love and gratitude that I have gained. I am truly lucky to live the life i do and I remind myself of it everyday. It is s a great honour to have the ability to feel and exist with a heart wide open to all of life's adventures...as challenging as they may be. The greatest challenges become the greatest teachings and I'm humbled every time another being asks me to share what I have learned. To help others find peace on their journey through this life is the sweetest thing.

So I go forth into this brand new year knowing that I will take care of myself and be my best me. I know Nan is proud and watches over us everyday. Losing her was one of the most powerful experiences of my life and it inspires me to live a life of love and happiness. You are right...you never know what tomorrow may bring...but i know that I'll always meet tomorrow with a genuine desire to be my best me...whatever that may look like.

Thank you for this message, it means more to me that you'll ever know. Our relationship is a treasure that has been discovered again and again. I can't wait for what tomorrow will bring.

I love you so much. Wishing you a new year of joy, health, happiness, love and that all of your hearts wishes come to life.

In love & lightness,

Ashley

I treasure these letters, I treasure my journey on this earth, I treasure myself and all beings. It is a crazy, wonderful, difficult, challenging, heartbreaking, insane, beautiful, wonderful, loving, remarkable life we lead as humans on this shared planet. We all are faced with the lessons our souls have called for, we must brave the unexpected and remain light in the process. It's not easy, but to gaze at the gift of waking up each day ready to face the world in whatever life may bring...that is an honour I am so deeply humbled to sit with.

To all that 2016 will bring for us all; I walk beside you,
Ashley.