sitting in discomfort.

Sitting with the many discomforts of my own mind has been a blessing and more importantly, a huge challenge. Scooping myself up and getting on a plane to India was pivotal in my life, in my evolution. There have been so many moments of discomfort while travelling. Going through the waves of panchkarma treatment, being hot, vulnerable and alone in Kolkata, getting extremely sick in Darjeeling - these instances when I reflect on them, were only glimpses of the journey. At the time, they of course carried a heavier burden, but for me, they have all been incredible gifts. Laying here alone in my bed in the mountains of India I think back to the nature of my mind Before I left on this trip. It's tendencies, the balance it sought.

I'm here now. I've come face to face with these intense difficulties to push me. To break me right down, collect myself and raise myself above where i sat before.

Reflecting on the challenge of being alone and uncomfortable, the first place my mind goes to is the thought of going home. Of course being in a familiar safe place is bound to ease the wave for a moment or for a few days. But then I'd be right back where I was. Sitting with myself, really just here with no where to go, no delicious snacks to eat, no Facebook or YouTube to distract me, but just right here. What does my mind do? First I calm my body, I do a little meditation to increase my vibration. To lift me from the darkness of despair and out of uncomfortable places. And then I contemplate the thoughts, lightly without judgement. I notice my tendencies to want to distract myself. I also notice parts of my mind jump to immediately wanting to tell someone, announce my discomfort...do I believe this will make it more real? I don't know. But what I do know is I have learned to take space from my own nature. From the discomfort. Create space between the thought and the impulse action of the lower mind. I've read about these concepts for years, seen them in practice in mere glimpses of my life. What India has taught me is to be in my practice. That each moment is precious and deserves/demands love attention and respect from the higher Self. This will be a constant challenge. I will still sometimes wish I took more space and time, showed myself more love. But in these moments when I can meet myself with the softness I deserve, to know that I'm still human, and well, it's okay not to be okay. That's the practice. I hold myself with love tonight and carry ease in my heart. 

Namaste & Bon soir.

Ashley